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    Codependency

    Psychological Concepts

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    Codependency

    Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship pattern characterized by an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on any other person, not just romantic partners although romantic relationships tend to bring out the worst of people's codependency.

    The simplest way to know if you're codependent with someone is if your emotional stability and well-being relies on their emotional states and responses. If it does, you are exhibiting signs of codependency.

    Differentiation

    Most people are codependent to one degree or another, it's a spectrum, but that doesn't mean that you have to be codependent. The theory of differentiation explains why codependency happens. Explore the theory to deepen your understanding of codependency and empower yourself to overcome it.

    Signs & Indicators

    Emotional Expression

    • Worrying about others' opinion of you
    • Fear of abandonment, rejection, or criticism
    • Feeling trapped in a relationship
    • Struggling to express your emotions to others
    • Feeling on edge or expecting the worst in your relationships
    • Relying on your partner for your emotional stability
    • Difficulty trusting or being overly trusting
    • Low self-esteem
    • Intimacy issues - Need for closeness / fear of rejection
    • Putting up walls or being too vulnerable
    • Chronic anger about any relationship
    • Hyper vigilance in relationships
    • Depression related to a relationship (or the perceptions of others)
    • Anxiety related to a relationship (or the perceptions of others)
    • Feeling responsible for others' emotions or problems
    • Guilt when asserting yourself or setting boundaries

    Behaviors

    • Extensive people pleasing behaviors with partner or others
    • Putting others needs ahead of your own to an unhealthy degree
    • Controlling behaviors
    • Neediness
    • Trying to control others with guilt, threats, or manipulation
    • Not being able to tolerate the idea of a relationship ending
    • High reactivity (to anyone)
    • Poor relational boundaries
    • Difficulty saying "no" or setting limits
    • Staying in unhealthy relationships despite harm to yourself
    • Neglecting your own needs or self-care
    • Making excuses for others' harmful behavior

    Thoughts

    • Compulsions related to people (non-OCD related)
    • Personalization (attributing blame to yourself and who you are when there is little to no justification for doing so)
    • Obsessing about the relationship
    • Being critical of your partner
    • Difficulty identifying your own feelings or wants

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