Theraplay

Parent's Guide

Theraplay: Building Attachment Through Play

Theraplay is based on the natural, healthy interactions between parents and infants—the kind of joyful, nurturing play that builds secure attachment. It recreates these bonding experiences for children who missed out on them or need more, helping them feel loved, safe, and capable. As a parent, you can incorporate Theraplay principles into daily life to strengthen your connection with your child.

The Four Dimensions of Theraplay

Theraplay addresses four core needs children have:

Structure: "I'm safe. Adults are in charge and will keep me safe."
Engagement: "I'm fun to be with. People enjoy my company."
Nurture: "I'm worthy of care. I deserve to be taken care of."
Challenge: "I'm capable. I can try new things and succeed."

Every child needs all four, but some children need more of certain dimensions based on their history and temperament.

Structure Activities

Creating safety through predictability

Purpose: Help children feel safe by showing them adults are in charge and will keep them safe.

Activities for parents:

Red light/green light: Parent controls the game—child learns to stop and go on your cue
Mother May I: Child asks permission, parent grants it—shows benevolent authority
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat": Sit facing each other, hold hands, rock together—coordinated movement
Stack of hands: Take turns putting hands on top of each other, then unstack
Follow the leader: Child follows your movements exactly

Key message: "I'm in charge, and that means you're safe."

Engagement Activities

Joyful connection and fun

Purpose: Build connection through shared joy, surprise, and playfulness. Show children they're fun to be with.

Activities for parents:

Peek-a-boo variations: Never gets old—hide behind hands, blankets, doors
Silly songs about your child: Make up songs using their name
Mirroring: Copy their expressions and movements exactly
Cotton ball blow: Blow cotton balls across a table to each other
Pop cheeks: Puff up cheeks, child pops them—simple and delightful
Newspaper punch: Hold newspaper taut, child punches through it

Key message: "Being with you is so fun. I love playing with you."

Nurture Activities

Tender care and comfort

Purpose: Communicate unconditional care and worth. Show children they deserve to be taken care of.

Activities for parents:

Lotion on hands: Gently rub lotion on their hands while noticing nice things about them
Check for hurts: Look over their hands, arms—kiss any "hurts" better
Feed each other: Take turns feeding each other snacks
Wrap up like a baby: Swaddle them in a blanket, rock them gently
Powder feet: After bath, tenderly powder their feet
Hair brushing: Gentle, rhythmic brushing with connection

Key message: "You are worthy of care. I will take care of you."

Challenge Activities

Building confidence through achievement

Purpose: Help children feel capable by accomplishing slightly difficult tasks with your support.

Activities for parents:

Thumb wrestling: Let them win sometimes, but not always
Tower building: See how high you can build together before it falls
Balloon keep-up: Keep balloon in air—add challenges as they succeed
Penny on nose: Balance a penny while walking—celebrate success
Sticky feet: Put stickers on the floor, child jumps to each one
Beanbag balance: Walk with beanbag on head

Key message: "You can do hard things. I believe in you."

Try This: Daily Theraplay Moments

Integrate Theraplay into everyday routines:

Morning: Gentle wake-up with face strokes, check their eyes "Did you grow overnight?"
Getting dressed: "I wonder if this sock will fit... it's your magic growing foot!"
Meals: Feed each other a bite, notice their strong muscles for chewing
After school: Check for hurts, lotion hands while they tell you about their day
Bedtime: Slow, nurturing routine—rock in chair, sing songs about them

Key principle: Every caregiving moment is an opportunity for connection.

Key Takeaways for Parents

It's never too late: Children can benefit from nurturing play at any age
Parent leads: Unlike child-led play therapy, Theraplay is adult-directed
No toys needed: The relationship IS the toy—it's about connection
Eye contact matters: Many activities are face-to-face for connection
Touch communicates care: Gentle, nurturing touch is central
Resistance is normal: Children who missed nurture may push back at first
Get trained: Certified Theraplay practitioners can coach parents directly

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