Judgementality
Psychological Concepts
Judgementality
Why are people judgmental? Understanding the answer to this question not only helps you understand the people around you and take judgments less personally, but it also helps you understand yourself.
The simple answer to this question is that people judge others the same way that they judge themselves.
Consider the principle of projection. If the outside world is a mirror to your inner world so that you project your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, fears, insecurities, etc on to what are essentially neutral templates, so does everyone else. Other's judgment of you is a reflection of how they judge themselves.
Why This Matters
First, it helps you understand yourself. If you find yourself judging someone else you can either choose to use that information to understand yourself at a deeper level and heal yourself, or you can ignore it and continue being judgmental of yourself and others. One sounds far better than the other, it's just the harder path because it requires you to disabuse yourself of your ego.
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
Second, it helps you understand others. If you completely understand that others' judgments of you aren't a reflection of you, but are revealers of their inner critic's dialogue, you can feel compassion for them instead of feeling hurt by internalizing what they are saying. This isn't to say that people should ignore feedback from others or not take accountability for themselves and their actions, it is saying the opposite. It's learning to take accountability for what is yours and understand what is other's responsibility.
Applying This Information
If you are judging someone else, take a step back and ask yourself how you are actually judging yourself. Here are a few examples:
Someone made a big mistake and you call them an idiot.
What you are really saying is that if you made a big mistake you would judge yourself as an idiot.
Furthermore, you are likely saying that you wouldn't permit yourself to make big mistakes without self-judgment, and most likely mistakes in general.
You are also saying that people should be perfect and not make mistakes, because if you understood that people aren't perfect and mistakes will happen, sometimes small ones and sometimes big ones, then it wouldn't impact you.
Someone doesn't spend their time productively and you judge them for it.
What you are really saying is that you would judge yourself for not being productive.
Furthermore, what you are likely saying is that you don't see the value of resting or even leisure time and having time to relax and have fun.
You are also saying that people need to value the same things that you do and if they don't they merit your judgment.
Someone has a different political ideology than you and you judge them for it.
What you are really saying is that you would judge yourself if you took their political stance.
Furthermore what you are likely saying is that they don't have a good reason to have different values than you and that their values are wrong. Values aren't wrong, they are just different. Check out The Righteous Mind book summary for more on this.
You are also saying that they don't have a right to their position and they should have the same political position as you.
Healing yourself is rarely a flattering experience.
When it comes to others judging you, take a step back and consider how they are judging themselves at that moment. You have a choice: Allow them to dictate how you view yourself by internalizing what they are saying or consider what they have to say with self-compassion knowing that you are a flawed human doing your best and improving as necessary.
Consider This:
Think of the person you are closest to in your life. This could be a spouse, significant other, best friend, parent, etc.
Now, what percent of yourself would you consider they fully understand? What percentage of your thoughts have you shared with them of every thought you ever have? What percentage of feelings have you shared with them of every feeling you ever have? What percentage of life experiences have you shared with them of every experience you have ever had?
When it comes down to it, even the people closest to us barely know who we are. Allowing anyone to determine how you view yourself is like building a car from scratch and then asking a person who knows nothing about cars except for how to drive them to determine whether or not you did a good job. You are an expert on yourself and everyone else is a novice. Don't lend out your self-perception to people who have no right to it.