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    Narcissism

    Psychological Concepts

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    Narcissism

    Narcissism is a word that is thrown around a lot, but it is a concept that is fundamentally misunderstood.

    Narcissism is characterized by caring for oneself above others and a lack of caring for others.

    Types of Narcissism

    1
    Grandiose NarcissismThis is the type of narcissism that most people think of when they use the word narcissistic. This type of narcissism is characterized by "high self-esteem", grandiosity, superiority, and charisma with the person engaging in exploitative, manipulative, and controlling behaviors.
    2
    Vulnerable NarcissismThis type of narcissism is characterized by low self-esteem, unstable sense of self, resentment towards others' success, social withdrawal, shame, distrust of others, and concerns of being accepted. They engage in needy and obsessive behaviors with a need for admiration and approval and vengefulness when those needs aren't met.

    What both types share is the need for approval, they just go about it in different ways. The grandiose type seeks cultural approval while the vulnerable type seeks individual approval. That is what narcissism is all about, a deep-seated need for approval, one that runs so deep that they will do anything to get it and punish those that threaten it.

    In the book The People of the Lie by Scott Peck he discusses the concept of evil and what creates evil. He summarizes evil as being a factor of only two things:

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    An Inability to Tolerate DiscomfortPeople who are narcissistic can't tolerate difficult feelings so they either shut them out or seek revenge. They don't look inward at what their choices mean about themselves because it's too painful to tolerate. They would rather be oblivious to themselves and blame the world around them than take accountability.
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    LazinessAwareness is step one, doing something about it is step 2. Evil is upheld more by complacency than a lack of awareness. "This is just who I am" is a universal phrase to avoid accountability. Saying sorry without changing is another.

    Narcissism is a spectrum, like everything else. Nearly everyone cares more about their needs than others' needs at different points or areas of their lives. Everyone avoids looking at their own problems or is too lazy to do anything about it. We all do it, some people just do it to extremes.

    Why This Matters

    It's easy to demonize others when we don't understand them or don't see the same traits within ourselves. That isn't to say that narcissistic behaviors are acceptable, it means that they are understandable once you comprehend that narcissism is a product of extreme insecurity. This understanding allows you to not personalize their actions and even find compassion for them while still holding appropriate boundaries. Additionally, acknowledging that narcissism is a spectrum, a spectrum of insecurity, it allows us to see the narcissistic tendencies within ourselves.

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